IVF Delayed . . .

20 minutes ago, I got a call from our doctor telling us that we have to postpone our implantation and do a frozen transfer in 7 weeks instead of the fresh transfer we were planning on in 7 days. (We were sooooo close!)

Apparently, I produced a LOT of eggs (which is amazing because we'll most likely get a lot of embryos), but my body responded TOO well to the medication, causing my estrogen levels to sky rocket. I'm at high risk for developing Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome (OHSS) and our fresh transfer is officially off the table. 

So . . . crap. 

I'm so annoyed. 

And sad. 

And feeling a little crushed.

And way totally emotional. 

We were supposed to do the transfer in a week from today. Instead, it's going to happen 7 weeks from today. Which I know, it's not the worst thing in the world, but we've waiting a long time to get to this point of IVF and now it's suddenly pushed back a month and half?! Eternity, you guys. 7 weeks from now, we could have had 2 IVF rounds behind us. GAH!!!

Patience. I feel like I've been really good at patience up until this point but now I'm overrrr it. 

Right now,  I'm sitting in a work meeting, totally distracted and totally emotional. But that's infertility (and just trials in general). Life has to go on, regardless of bad news or not. (And regardless of all the texts coming in from Blake telling me to "just leave and go home!!!!!")

The Road to IVF

Well, we are here. We have officially started the IVF journey after 4 failed IUI attempts.

If you read my last blog post, you know that I struggled really hard with the first failed IUI—I can still picture that day (and all the emotions) perfectly. Through this whole journey, I feel like I have naturally been very positive and level-headed about it all, but man, that day was a sad one. 

Luckily, each failed IUI after that was a lot easier to handle. Thinking back, I don't think I cried at all after receiving the news of each failed attempt. As horrible as it is to say, you just get to the point where you don't let your hopes get up. You're not googling symptoms every night before bed, or counting down the days until your blood draw, and a negative pregnancy test isn't so soul crushing because hey, you've been here before! 

But now we have a new game plan (IVF) that we are so excited for and we're forging forward, full speed ahead! 

Honestly, B and I are so pumped on the idea of it all. No matter where you are in your infertility journey,  a new/different course of action is so comforting. Trying something that you haven't tried before just feels so good! 

I'd be lying if I said I'm not super worried about the repercussions of a failed IVF round. If the first failed round of IUI with it's ONE shot was hard for me to handle, I can't imagine the pain and heartache that we'll experience if the first round of IVF doesn't work. (It's so many shots and pills and suppositories and emotions and TIME!)

I try not to voice these fears, but whenever I do, B shuts them down real quick. Whenever I say "what if this doesn't work?!", he's quick to respond with a "but what if it DOES?!". 

And holy crap, that thought instantly makes us both so happy. 

So, we're chugging along—checking our IVF calendar daily, taking our pills, and making a conscious decision to be happy. We know we'll have a kid someday and we know we're doing all that we can do to make that happen. 

In the meantime, B will become a professional shot-giver and I'll continue to be baffled at the things that make me teary-eyed from all the hormones pumping through my body. 

Infertility Update

Today, we found out that our first round of IUI didn't take. I got the call while I was at work and immediately tried to go back to my desk and work, but lo and behold, my eyes wouldn't stop watering.

Up until this point, I would blame the crying on all the hormones getting pumped into my body (let's be real, weird things make me teary and the NON-crier in me is feeling way freaked out by all these new emotions) but at this point, hormones or not—I am just sad. Real tears here. No horrible hormone-induced tears (at least not alllll of them).

B and I decided we wanted to start trying for a baby a little under 3 years ago. I went off birth control and while we weren't actively tracking anything, we weren't using any type of contraceptives.

Fast forward 2 years and we start to realize that this isn't happening for us naturally. So, I go see a fertility doctor and get started on the whole infertility sha-bang.

Lots of tests, blood draws, medication, and hormonal acne have landed us to where we are now: no explained reason for our infertility (every test has come back positive), 1 clinic switch, 4 failed rounds of femara, a few months of breaks, and 1 failed IUI using clomid and an HCG trigger shot.

I don't know how much you guys know about IUI, but it's when they take Blake's sperm, wash and clean them (don't ask me HOW that even happens), and then insert them directly into my uterus. Turkey basting at it's finest. Immediately after, they put you on progesterone suppositories while you start the 2 week wait until a blood draw to see if you're pregnant or not.

A sucky part about this month's attempt at pregnancy has been the progesterone. The side effects of progesterone are the same signs of early pregnancy: sore boobs, bloating, heightened emotions, drowsiness, cravings, etc. So, you're getting all these symptoms that scream "you're pregnant!" but really, you don't know if it's just the progesterone. Of course, you try to be realistic and level-headed, but man, it's hard to not think you're pregnant when your body is changing so much. Of course, we know now that for me, all those symptoms were just side effects of the progesterone. I'm grateful that I know that going into round 2 of IUI. Those side effects gave me lots of false hope and that is making today hard.

But I think what'a hardest about this failed IUI is the stark reality that not even artificial insemenation worked for us this month. I mean, they made my follicles huge, cleaned up B's swimmers, inserted a needle full of 74 million sperm STRAIGHT INTO MY UTERUS and still, no dice. I've never considered us a couple with real infertility problems, but after today, we feel like we are there.

However, we still feel sooooo hopeful. We have 2 more rounds of IUI left before we move to IVF and we're just going to keep chugging along and enjoying this phase of life. We are so blessed and truly love our lives and each other. Luckily, these years (and especially the last 8 months) have brought us closer. Our prayers are more sincere and we're learning to really lean on each other. I know one day we'll have kids and we'll never get this time back of just Rik and B—so, we're soaking it up and being okay with some tears being shed along the way.