November 7, 2011


You guys! I'm in such a funk lately,  I can't explain it. I usually don't post stuff like this on my blog. I'm all about the fluffs and sparkles of life being published for the world to see.... but since I'm "keepin' it real", I think it's okay to be completely honest and real right now. Let's face it, life isn't glamorous and amazing all the time, and I'm not about to pretend that mine's definitely not. I feel like it's safe to say that I'm struggling lately. I feel like I have NO idea what I'm doing with my life. I've actually known this for awhile, but I've been able to put that little fact on the back burner. Unfortunately, I feel like the time has come and big decisions in my life can't be ignored any longer. Bad news is, I don't feel any more qualified to make these decision than I did a year ago.

I need a major. There's no more GE's to take. Do you know how many majors there are to choose from? Not only do I need a major, but I need to find motivation to finish out the classes I'm enrolled in now. I've been a straight A student my whole life...I don't get why I'm having such a hard time being excited to learn lately, it has never happened and I don't know how to deal with it.

Scheduling. I have to schedule every minute of my every day, and it's getting on my nerves! I take on a lot of things 'cause I'd rather be busy then have nothing to do...but it's getting out of hand. Want to hangout with me? Cool...11:00- 12:00 pm is your scheduled time. Want to grab a bit to eat? Sweet! But I'll be reading homework assignments through lunch. Rik, want to come to FHE with us for once? Sorry Mom, I'll be in the library all night. Right now I feel super guilty for writing this terribly negative blog post instead of studying for Biology. Boy, I can't wait for Christmas break. Guilt-free, unscheduled down time is calling my name.

Do I even need to mention my love life? Word to the wise: don't send off a missionary, it's just rough. I think this may be the main cause of my current "funk"....I think I'm going to go on a boy strike. Forever.

On the reals, I don't mean to complain, but this is life! I gotta have the downs to have the ups, right? Hopefully my next post will be so awesomely uplifting that it puts glitter and sparkles to shame :). Until then, peace and love peeps!


  1. Rik,
    I'm glad you posted what you did. I'm not glad you're going through it but I'm glad you let yourself be okay with being in a funk (okay enough to write about it). My only advice: there are more important things in life than A's (your sanity, your happiness, your family, your friends). And, I guess, one more piece of advice. People don't figure out their life in a day. They just take one step at a time in the right direction. Don't beat yourself up over not knowing what you want to major in. Take a semester off, for heaven's sake. Give yourself a little down time. Enjoy life. And call me if I can do anything to help. I love you.

  2. aye aye aye! I hate decisions, I hate having a missionary/love it, and I hate school. Hope things look up soon! We should do something fun! I will happily take an house time slot any day! hahaha You are too cute, even when you think you are being negative.

  3. *hour... don't know where house came from. HA.

  4. Rik...this sounds like about half of my journal entries during the 4 years of college before I married Myke...and the other half of my journal is full of lies that I recorded to try and convince myself that I didn't hate it so much! I didn't have a major til I was a junior in college, and then I switched it...twice... I didn't go on any family vacations or outings for those four years because I was consumed with work and school. Being the straight A student that I was convinced me that I could NOT leave Provo, or have fun, EVER. I didn't have a missionary...but I had about 17 too many suitors that I had no interest in. I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life, I loathed every second at BYU, and I had no patience for my lack of direction when I had always been the most devoted planner and plan follower! It's a weird transition time! Should I major in something that will make me the big bucks, or should I stick with something I can do at home to make money on the side while I am a mom? Should I work my fingers to the bone at this job and pay my way through school (even though my grades and social life suffer drastically), or should I take out loans and hope that my future husband doesn't mind marrying me AND my giant student loan debt? Should I date all of these dudes, and "give them a chance," even though I feel no inclination to do so, or should I just hold out and date when I want to? There are WAY too many unknowns for us mormon girls.

    Anyway...this comment is WAY too long. But, I love you, and if you ever need to blow off some steam about how much your phase of life stinks...I'm all ears.

    Love you!

  5. I love my girl.....if it makes you feel better the movie wasn't that great to for FHE, and as far as eating....I'm doing a cleanse, so you can drink a gross bottle of my stuff if you want (in between reading homework) AND you and Dear John your missionary for now if that makes it easier....marry him if you're still available when he gets home....and for Christmas you are getting lots of cool hang in there. :)

  6. "...the sun will come out tomorrow...." love you riki!

    Aunti Amy

  7. icky......s'okay! You have a studly older brother with huge muscles......any girl as lucky as you should never have days like this......except maybe once or twice. You've used yours up. All smiles from here on out! Awe!!! Lucky lucky you. :) We already talked about your funk like brothers and sisters who fight over favorite-childship should do. Bye now!

  8. Rik, thanks for always keeping it real. I sure love having you in my life-you definitely add some fluff and sparkle! Also, amen to everything Laura said, she's smart. xoxo