June 20, 2014

Marriage talk...fluff free.

This post was drafted up and then just sat...for a long time...waiting to be published.
It's just that it's really blunt.
And it's not something that I'm DYING to share with you all.
But whatever.
The part of me that wants you to read this, is a bigger than the part of me that isn't thrilled to say it. 
So here goes...

Many times, young girls come up to me and tell me how they want a marriage like mine.
They want to find a man like Blake.
And they want to have a love like ours. 
And seriously, YES...yes you do. 
My marriage is awesome and my husband is the best man on planet earth, I seriously believe that with all my heart.
Choosing to get married was the best decision I've ever made. I love it so much.
But something inside me kind of drops when girls tell this to me.
I often wonder, 
"do they realize that marriage is hard?"
 "do they know that B and I have had some hard times?!"
And worst of all..
 "am I painting a false picture of marriage on my blog because I ONLY focus on the rainbows and butterflies?!"


Obviously I post about the great and happy times because that is what I want to remember. 
And I mean, who wants to post about the fights, the arguments, the not so happy times?! 
Especially for the whole world to see?!
Not I. 
But more than that, I don't want to contribute to the false perception of how marriage really is or how marriage should be which is often conceived through reading blogs and viewing social media.
I truly truly truly believe that part of the reason so many people are getting divorced these days is because an unrealistic expectation for marriage is set.
We read about lives and come to our own conclusions of what marriage should be.
It's easy to view people's marriages and think they are perfect or ideal. And it's way too easy to compare our own marriage to the marriages we read about on blogs.
Consequently, we can find ourselves unsatisfied with our marriage or feel as if their is something faulty or wrong.

I'm guilty of that very thing.
I set too high of expectations for marriage at the beginning based off of the things I saw in the media.
They were unrealistic and quite frankly, insane.
Now that I think about it, I don't even think Shane West from a Walk to Remember could have met my expectations at the time...ya, that unrealistic.
 But regardless, I found myself getting disappointed when my expectations weren't met.
Like, whaaaat? You're not texting me every spare second you have and bringing me home flowers on the daily?!
(Don't think I'm a complete brat, please. I was just a total product of the awesome combination of a newlywed blog stalker and a hollywood chick flick enthusiast.)
Poor B was doing everything he could to meet my high expectations and kept falling short because he couldn't read my mind and therefore, didn't know the expectations I had formed in my brain.
A few reality checks, tears, and less-than-perfect days later, I finally rewired my thinking.
Thank goodness I did.
I feel so bad for the times I made B feel like less of a husband and those times I undermined all that he was doing for me because of some pre-formed expectation I had that wasn't being fulfilled.

I had forgotten that what I viewed on social media isn't the whole picture.
That people show more of the good things than the bad.
And that my life is my own and shouldn't be compared to that of others. 

But in an effort to fix that and give you a bigger piece of my own little picture I've created, imma expose some of the bad...give you a big ol' piece of reality pie, if you will. mmmmmm.
B and I have disagreements. 
I cried more the first few months of marriage than my whole life combined.
(I'm sure it was the awesome mix of birth control, trying to adjust to my new life which now included a whole other human being and of course, those freaking unrealistic expectations).
Sometimes we give each other the silent treatment.
Sometimes we have to stay up till 3 am to resolve an issue before falling asleep. 
We've had our fair share of "I'm sorry's" and "I need some time to myself".
Sometimes B gets frustrated.
Sometimes I cry.
Sometimes we have to pretend that we're okay in front of people, when really there's an unresolved issue between us.
We both get mad, we both get dramatic (me more than him), we both say things we don't mean, we both have things that bug us, we both have stuff to work on, we both are not happy 24/7, and it sure as heck isn't always rainbows and butterflies. 

But I will tell you this.
I feel like we have a GREAT marriage. 
Not a perfect one. 
Not a problem-free one.
But a really really good one.
A big reason for that is because we have been able to work through the bad, because we want to resolve issues, because we don't have a problem telling each other what isn't quite working right, because we are willing to change for each other. And most importantly, because we are willing to forgive, forget, and move on.
A good marriage is our main goal. 
So we work hard. 
Real hard. 

You got that?!
Thank for listening.
and don't, for one single second, think that anyone (anyone!) has a marriage full of only rainbows and butterflies.
That's crap.
And sorry if I made you think that about mine.
I'll be better at that. 
In fact, B and I are literally in an argument right this second.
Haha jk!
We're not, we're not.

We're making out ;)


  1. thanks so much for you sharing this! you and your husband are uhhh-dorable, btw. i went through the same transition when i got married, i was totally unprepared for the hard, rigorous work that it takes. but i really feel like when you have had to fight for something, you appreciate in a deeper way. because we've had to fight for our marriages, and it hasn't always been easy--it's actually so much better. thanks again for your thoughts, cute girl!

    1. Kayla, thanks baby. I totally agree. While the bad times totally suck...marriage is great because we've had all the bad stuff!

  2. I love this! So down to earth girl.

  3. Thanks for sharing this one, Riki! I get that a lot from other people too--that my husband and I are the perfect couple--and it simple isn't true. For anyone. You're trying to combine two lives into one and it's a struggle sometimes! And I totally had those high expectations as well, but I'm glad you're trying to break that.

    Thanks girly! You two are just so cute.


    1. Keri, I love you! and I love reading your blog. You're one to keep it real and raw as well and I totally love that!!

    2. I don't know how I'm just barely seeing this! Thanks so much, Riki. That means a lot! It is kinda scary to open up, and like you said--sometimes these more "blunt" posts are drafted for a while. But I think people really appreciate the rawness and you did perfect with this one! Love it!

  4. this was so perfectly written! i've been wanting to do a similar post for awhile, but I don't think I could have said it better than you did. it is all SO true. you are too cute! thanks for sharing.

    1. Kelli! I'm glad you can relate. Thanks for your comment...it made my day!

  5. Love this! made me feel like I'm not as crazy as I sometimes think I am in my own lovely, crazy relationship.

    1. hahaha I can totally relate! Sometimes I feel like a crazy person in my relationship!! Hopefully we're not as crazy as we feel sometimes ;)

  6. My favorite of all your posts. Real. Raw. and the make out part at the end was hilarious :) haha. love you both so freaking much. oh and also, if you get sick of being married to him, I'll take him.

    1. Hahahaha. you know B loved that comment.

  7. THANK YOU! You're awesome. The best thing I learned when I got married (it only took me like six months to realize this) is to be OPEN. COMMUNICATE. As much as we think it's true, men can not read our minds! Haha. As soon as I learned to just be up front about things that were bothering me or just things that I expected to happen, it was like a whole new marriage. Thanks for sharing, Rik!

    1. ahhh. COMMUNICATION! It's like the secret to a happy marriage and only took me 12 billions years to figure out! Glad you're with me on this one. Love you girl!

  8. I love love love this post. Like so much. It wasn't until I got in a real relationship that I realized how hard they really are. Because of yours and B's hard work of trying to be the best you can be, your blog shows the reward, which is the good times you do have. Thank you for being raw and for being REAL!

    1. Chloe...thank you from the bottom of my heart for your comment! You're so sweet and that made my day.

  9. THIS WAS PERFECT! I have been wanting to do a post like this, but haven't quite known how to say it all. I was the first of my friends to get married and felt that I had a lot of expectations to live up to. I definitely was there with you on the crying in the bathroom! I loved how REAL this post was!! Thanks for sharing. The name of my blog is Real Life and Honey- reason being that i want to share real life- but focus on the positive.
    So happy you shared this with the rest of this :)


    1. Celeste, thank you! Imma have to check out your blog. Sounds like we're pretty similar people :)

  10. Perfectly said. Thanks for speaking for all of us married girls who can't figure out how to put it in words! :)

    1. NO problemo. It only took me weeeeeks to write up :) Glad you can relate baby!

  11. Hands down my favorite post you've ever done and you've posted some pretty rad stuff in the past. Everyone has gone through this in their relationship regardless if they're married or not, so it's nice to see you write about this so the rest of us feel a little more "normal" :)

    1. Thanks, Sophia! I was super blessed in the "marrying an awesome person" department, but we for SURE have our struggles! Thanks for always reading my bloggy...its makes me feel like a million bucks!

  12. Such an awesome post! So down to earth and real

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  14. My Life can be very displeasing especially when we loose the ones we love and cherish so much.My husband abandoned me and my 2 kids for 2 years he said he wanted new adventures.I asked what i had done wrong but he said nothing.He continued paying our bills but moved in with another woman i was so frustrated and a times i will cry all night because i needed my husband by my side. all thanks to prophetmezetemple@outlook.com, i was nearly loosing hope until i saw an article on how master Meze cast a love spell to make lovers come back. There is no harm in trying, i said to my self. i contacted him via email> prophetmezetemple@outlook.com and after 24 hrs my story changed. words will not be enough to appreciate what he has done for me. i have promised to share the testimony as long as i live because he brought back happiness and joy into my life.If you having any kind of problem in your relationship and you need your man back i RECOMMEND Prophet Meze .please do contact him directly on prophetmezetemple@outlook.com, Email him on; prophetmezetemple@outlook.com, my husband live to work in UK he will be coming home for Christmas so happy,thanks to prophet once again........Marian Smith from USA.

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  16. After being in relationship with Smith for seven years, he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email: realhomeofspell@outlook.com you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or anything. CAN NEVER STOP TALKING ABOUT YOU SIR HIS EMAIL ADDRESS

  17. i give thanks to jai mother sunlight for her great concern over me and my household. she really indeed has been a pillar to my family. i thank you so much for ending the sufferings in my home. my husband wanted to divorce me thinking i am the cause of his problems that he contacted a spell caster and they told him that i am the cause of his darkest moments. i am really happy to share how you bless us unexpectedly even more than we could ever acquired if we were to work for it i thank you mother. for this what you did, if i should give you money, it is not enough..so i praise great jai mata sunlight...... readers my name is kaur middy milas. and i'm residing in texas. on the internet, you will see lots of comments about bringing your ex back. many of them are not real. they will scam you, deceive you and they go for your money. i contact three different spell casters all says different to me. i formed victim for two and the other threatening to kill me if i don't send him money. but when i came to jai sunlight first she advise i applied it's works then i mailed back and tell her the situation is then she said we should use lovespell i obeyed i didn't mind i contacted before but i ended miserably i just believe jai mata sunlight because anytime she talks to me i feel like i am talking to my biological mother. she is really a goddess and a loving mother. if you need help about getting your ex back or maybe other problems you might have while not contact jai mata sunlight? via sunlightmata@gmail.com and expect a perfect change in your life. with lots of testimonies and blessings.